


lily of the valley

by dinofcker



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Tsukishima Kei, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26060221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinofcker/pseuds/dinofcker
Summary: The girl’s cheeks turn a bright red, crying even harder. Kei wants to get out but she won’t let up her grip. He looks behind him, his eyes pleading for Tadashi to help. Tadashi only shrugs, mouthing a small ‘sorry’.Sorry my ass, save me!If only Kei could date his friend...Wait.Wait…The small hamster in his head runs even faster.“I’m already dating someone.” The words left his lips tingly.kei pines hard, so what better way to be closer to tadashi than make up an excuse to be in a 'relationship'.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 177
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	lily of the valley

Kei sucked in a breath, watching the girl stumble her words, her painted fingers fidget in front of her. Her head is hung on her shoulders, her legs shake as her feelings are pulled apart, string by string, by Kei’s sharp claws.

“Um…” She hesitates, her feet shuffle around, making a scraping noise.

Kei boredly waits, he doesn’t care, but he definitely doesn’t want to be responsible for someone else when they hear his rejection.

_ Again. _

Now if this was Tadashi, that’d be a different story. He could be cheesy and say he’d count every freckle, but let’s face it, he’d get too distracted by kissing him over and over again. Just thinking about it makes his mood lighter, until the girl starts speaking again.

“Tsukki-kun…” He flinches. The voice in the back of his mind mimics Tadashi’s voice calling his name.

“Tsukishima.” He immediately corrects her. 

The girl winces from his tone. So much for being patient and  _ nice _ .

“Tsukishima-kun…” Better. A lot better. “I like you, so maybe you’d like to do something after school tomorrow?” Nope, not better.

He wants to sigh, to roll his eyes. “I’m-”

A sweet angelic voice cuts him off, interrupting the awkward air between him and the girl.

“Tsukki!” Kei looks behind the girl, her shoulders perked up, terrified of being caught in the act.

“Yamaguchi-kun.” She turns around, waving awkwardly to the cute freckled boy. 

_ Okay, so he is cute, but I can’t admit that. _

He clears his throat, hoping to take back the attention to himself. “What is it, Yamaguchi?”

“Ah!” Tadashi almost trips on his feet. “Ukai-san says to hurry up or you’ll have to receive with Nishinoya-san today.” He points a finger to the gym. His light blue shirt with a small moon used to belong to Kei. Kei actually lied to him saying it didn’t fit, but he really just wanted him to wear his clothes. It made his heart hammer sometimes.

“Right.” Kei looks back at the girl.

“Oh, sorry, I’ll-” Tadashi makes his way to leave, stopping when he hears the toneless voice cut in.

“I’m sorry, I can’t accept your feelings.” Kei immediately makes his way towards his friend, his body begging to be close and suck all the warmth out of him.

“Wait!” What he doesn’t expect is for her to grab his arm, pulling him back in surprise. Kei is not happy.

“What?” His voice is sharp.

“Why?” Her voice cracks. “Why not?”

Kei can’t get a word in.

“You’re not with anyone, right?” Her nails dig into his school jacket. “Are you not even the least bit interested in dating?”

_ This is stupid. _

They’re literal teenagers, he has no time to date with school and volleyball. He barely has enough time to go to the movies with Tadashi, what more could she expect from him?

“No.” He doesn’t spare a second, already trying to walk away again.

But her grasp doesn’t let up. Kei is beginning to get annoyed.

“Please!” 

“I said-”

“Just once.” Big tears spill from her cheeks. He can’t see her face, but he can see the tears splash onto the cement. 

Tadashi awkwardly takes a few steps back, careful not to make a sound. Fortunately for him, his luck is just as bad today, cause he steps on a branch. The loud snap makes the two look at him.

The girl’s cheeks turn a bright red, crying even harder. Kei wants to get out but she won’t let up her grip. He looks behind him, his eyes pleading for Tadashi to help. Tadashi only shrugs, mouthing a small ‘sorry’.

_ Sorry my ass, save me! _

If only Kei could date his friend...Wait.

_ Wait… _

The small hamster in his head runs even faster. 

“I’m already dating someone.” The words left his lips tingly.

The girl looked up, her face was tear-stained and red. “What?”

Kei lets out a crooked smile, he’s lying and he knows it, but damn it. If he goes down, he’ll sure as hell drag Tadashi down too.

“Tadashi and I are dating.” Using a given name? Genius. Hell, he loved the sound of it. He could almost get used to it.

_ Almost. _

“What?” She squeaks out.

“What?!” Tadashi yelps from behind him. 

Kei yanks out his arm free from her deathly grip. He rubs the spot, smoothing out the wrinkles. No use, he has to iron it right when he gets home. After washing it a bazillion times cause he hates it when someone cries and dares to use  _ his _ jacket as a tissue.

“You’re joking.” Her eyes go to Tadashi, his freckled face turns a bright pink, like an unripe strawberry.

Tadashi opens his mouth, but Kei gets a word in first.

“We’ve just started dating actually.” Kei turns around, throwing a wink away from her view. 

_ Please catch on. _

Tadashi clears his throat. His voice is small and a bit wavy at first, but he settles back to being confident. “Yeah, we haven’t made it official yet so if you keep it a secret for now, that’d be great.”

The girl covers her face, spinning on her heels and running to who knows where.

Kei lets out a sigh of relief, his entire body felt like it was hit by ten trucks. Though he doesn’t want to know how that actually feels, he’s glad it’s over. Too bad for him, Tadashi pulls on his right ear.

“Ow!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

_ Everything. _

“Nothing.” Kei casually dismisses.

“Nothing my ass!” Tadashi lets go, throwing a light punch to Kei’s shoulder.

“Ow!”

“Shut it, you big baby.” Tadashi huffs. “You could have at least warned me.”

“The wink wasn’t enough?”

“Barely!”

“You didn’t seem to mind it though.” Kei makes a poor attempt at flirting. He admits, he’s never done this.

“Shut-” Tadashi hits him harder on the same spot, “up!” 

“Oww!” Kei rubs at it. He watches Tadashi’s cheeks turn red before stalking back to the gym.

_ Damn it.  _

He makes his way to the club room.

_ He’s cute in that shirt. _

He wishes they could be dating.

* * *

“So…” 

Kei looks from the side, Hinata is sneezing into his elbow. 

“Gross.”

“Shush it, it’s just allergies.” 

“They have medicine for that.” He retorts, rolling his eyes when another sneeze escapes. “What do you want?”

“I heard you and Yamaguchi are dating.” He sniffs.

“And?” Kei doesn’t bother correcting, he knew the lie would eventually turn into a rumor. It doesn’t bother him if it’ll get the girls away from him, but he’s not sure what to actually do about it. Will Tadashi tell everyone the truth or not care and keep thinking of Kei as his best friend.

Oh the agony…

“And I just thought it was about time.” Hinata picks up a stray volleyball rolling up to his feet.

“What do you mean?” Kei wants him to explain, but knowing Hinata, it’ll turn into gibberish.

“I just thought the way you looked at each other was enough.” 

“The fact you’re oblivious to everything but romance kind of freaks me out.” Kei’s face contorts to a mixture of disturbed and disgusted. 

Hinata sneezes again, dropping the ball. “I only know cause Yamaguchi always talks about you.”

“Oh?” Kei is intrigued. “Like what?”

“Like how much you’re a jerk!”

“Wh-”

“I’m not telling you!” Hinata sticks his tongue out. “Besides, I think he’ll tell you one day.” He shrugs, running up to Nishinoya and tossing himself so he’d drop the ball to catch him.

Kei can’t decide what to feel. His head is always in a conundrum with the whole conversation, yet he can’t seem to shake off the words.

_...it was about time. _

Now that he thinks further on it, he can see why Hinata thinks that. It made sense.

“Hey, Tsukki!” Tadashi carried a small envelope, his fingers crinkled the beige paper. 

“What’s that?” Kei pointed, his finger brushing the edge of it.

Tadashi pulled it back. “Oh, it’s uh, a letter.” His sweaty palms pressed it closer to his chest. If he hid it behind him, it’d look too suspicious.

“I can see that.” Kei’s blinked slowly, his long eyelashes kissing his pale skin. “Is it important?”

Tadashi shrinks back a little, his face turning to the side. A light blush teasing the top of his cheeks, running across his freckled nose. “Kinda.” 

“Hmm.” Kei won’t pull it away, but he is very curious what kind of letter it is. “Is it a love letter?” He teases.

He couldn’t be more wrong. 

Tadashi shifts under his gaze, the paper bending in half.

“You’re squishing it.” 

“Ah.” Tadashi gulps, pulling it away, shaking at the seams. His heart palpitating under Kei’s scrutinizing stare. “It’s for you.” He hands it over, the wrinkles and folds making him cringe. What once was a pretty neat letter for his best friend was nothing more than a scrap.

Kei nonchalantly flips it over, the small flower sticker made his eyes roll. “I hate flowers.”

Tadashi’s nerves ease, chuckling. “It’s too cheesy.”

“Tell me about it.” Kei smirks, tearing the flower in half. The letter in it contained cursive and lots of hearts drawn all over the page. He pulls his lip back, a slightly disgusted look on his face. “Why?”

Tadashi shrugs. “She said she was too afraid to do it in person.” His feet shuffling around, toeing at the gym floors. “I don’t understand why though.”

Kei looks at him. “What do you mean?”

Tadashi shakes his head, his shoulders perking up again. “Nothing. Are you gonna respond?” The lilting tone in his voice wasn’t left unnoticed. If anything, Kei would just wait for him to open about it later. It’s rare for him to pester him, for either one of them. They’re quite open about everything, he’s massively grateful for it.

“No.” Kei sighs, too tired to try and decode the smooshed letters. The loops on the g’s and y’s were overdone, the a’s and o’s looked too close to each other. “I’m just gonna toss it.”

“Woah!” Tanaka claps his back, the paper slipping through his fingers. A thin papercut right in the middle of his index and middle finger. “Someone worked hard on that, you have to at least give her a response.” His rough hands try to smooth the paper, only causing the wrinkles to deepen.

Kei fixes his glasses, ignoring the tiny snip his skin carried. “I have no interest in dating, Tanaka-san. You should know this.”

Tanaka smacks the letter right into his chest, a small gasp of air forced out of his lungs. “And you should know how feelings work.” He jabs a finger to emphasize. “At least, acknowledge her by reading it.” 

With that, he walks away, bothering Kiyoko once her face comes into view from behind the gym doors.

“Jeez.” Kei rubs a sore spot over his right lung. “He sure packs a punch.”

Tadashi giggles behind his hand. “He couldn’t have poked you that hard.” 

“Swear everyone here is a monster.”

“He does prove a point.” Tadashi wipes the smile of his face. His brows curved into worry. “She was pretty anxious just giving it to me.” 

“Yeah.” Kei scrolls his eyes down to the bottom of the page. The second to last sentence in particular.

_ I like your freckles. _

Freckles? 

This isn’t a love letter for him.

“Oh.” 

“What’s wrong, Tsukki?” Tadashi takes a step closer.

Kei did what Kei would do.

He ripped the paper up to shreds, a few pieces falling to the ground. 

“Tsukishima!”

“Hey! Clean up your mess!”

He ignored Tanaka’s and Suga’s complaints.

“Tsukki?” Tadashi stepped closer, rubbing his palms on his shorts. Kei’s breath hitched when he felt a warm hand press against his forehead. “You don’t seem to be sick. Are you alright?”

Completely ignoring the scraps of paper underneath their feet, his clothes felt like they were scratching against his skin. He wanted to rip them off.

“Yeah.” He managed to croak out, his voice hardly there.

“Hello? Earth to Tsukishima, pick up your mess.” Nishinoya squirmed his way in between, frowning up at him.

Kei felt cold. “Ok.” He bent down, knees pressing hard against the hardwood. Bits of paper clung onto the floor, he was beginning to get frustrated. Picking up trash should be an easy task. Being watched by everyone in the room wasn’t helping his cause, his entire back prickled with discomfort. Pins and needles rubbing from his cotton shirt.

Cotton was supposed to feel soft. So why did he feel like he was suffocating?

Squeaks of shoes in front of him caught his attention, a pair of freckled knees and thighs appeared. Tadashi’s nimble fingers picked up the oddments. Some were clear where they were put together, others had words jumbled together, he wasn’t sure if it was japanese anymore. 

“Yamaguchi, you don’t have to help him.” Daichi’s hard-line voice caused him to jump.

“It’s okay, Sawamura-san.” Tadashi stuck his nail between the paper and floor, flicking it in his hands. “It’s partially my fault.” He can feel the heads shaking from both sides of the room. There’s a tight knot in his stomach, pulling him forward. He felt like caving in, the desperation of escaping and jumping into the pool at the top of the school building was tempting.

“Thanks…” He mumbled quietly, it was embarrassing enough being called out in front of everyone. He’s nice to Tadashi in private, he has to admit, the facade he puts up when others are around tends to be draining at the end of the day.

He can never shake off the thumps and pulls his heart does to him whenever Tadashi walks into the room. He doesn’t like cicadas, but that’s what his stomach feels like. The stridulating sounds of cicadas buzz inside him, calling out to hold his best friend. Cuddle, hug, kiss, smoosh him into his chest.

Temptation made him fluster, he’s a large puddle of butterflies at the mere thought of even holding his hand.

If only.

Tadashi doesn’t say anything, his smile was enough to cause Kei to fumble nervously.

* * *

Kei yawns over the girl’s confession. He didn’t mean to be rude, he just wasn’t interested in the slightest. 

To be truthful, it could have been worse.

“Um.” She pauses, her fingers wringing behind her. “Will you go out with me?”

Kei looks straight at her. “No.” He whirls around, leaving her a sobbing mess.

“That was interesting.” Tadashi waits for him in the hall, his footsteps padding slightly behind Kei. It irks him whenever he walks behind him, they were supposed to be side by side. 

“Come on.” Kei encourages him to walk faster.

“Coming!” Their shoulders clash, giggling on impact. “So-”

“Tsukishima-kun!”

Tadashi bites his lip. The girl behind them has her hands on her hips.

“What’s your problem?”

Kei doesn’t say a word. He squints. 

Tadashi doesn’t like the unseen tension building between them, so he steps in. “Sorry, is something the matter?” 

The main issue when it came to these types of situations was Tadashi being too nice. He was always so kind to the girls who approached him or Kei. He never complained over the loss of time he could have spent with him. Kei was furious whenever the girls sighed in relief, always saying they could never talk because Tadashi was in the way. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean? Kei would bite back, seething with venom dripping from his claws. He rather minded his own business with Tadashi by his side, admiring and adoring him. 

The girl in front lifts her head up higher, trying to seem as intimidating. “I’m not talking to you freckles.”

Tadashi steps down, his fists clenching in his pockets. Kei wasn’t going to have it.

The girl looks back at him, eyes brazened with anger. “What gives you the right to reject my friend? She took days to have the courage to confess and you shoot her down?”

Kei clicks his tongue. “How  _ dare _ you talk like that to my boyfriend?”

Her hands fall. “What?”

He jerks a thumb over to Tadashi. “I rejected her because I wasn’t interested. I’m taken. Now if you excuse us.” He takes Tadashi’s hand out, tangling their hands as he pulls them away from her. His entire head was filled with angry thoughts, too busy to notice Tadashi reciprocating his hold.

* * *

Tadashi balanced his pencil on his upper lip, pouting cutely next to Kei. He kept glancing at him, taking a sneak peek in between literature. He whistles, minding his own business. His hand snakes around Tadashi’s shoulder, tipping the pen over.

“Tsukki!” 

“What?” His hand yanks back to his side before Tadashi can catch him.

“I know that was you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kei erases a few words, not satisfied with his explanation.

How do you explain what love feels like in a paragraph?

“Tsukki.”

“Hm?”

“What are we doing this weekend?”

Kei jotted down a few words, rereading them in different tones. He couldn’t read them without Tadashi clogging his vision.

“How about a movie?” He gives in.

Tadashi scooted closer, peeking down at his paper. “Why don’t you write how you feel when a new song is released?”

“Because that’s not love.” Kei lets Tadashi doodle tiny plants around the page. There were roses, tulips, and small strawberries littered. “Hey, I have to turn that in.”

Tadashi turns to him, “And?” He sticks his tongue out.

“Punk.” He pulls back his paper mid-drawing. “Wait, what is that?” 

“Lily of the valley.”

“A flower?”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t look like it.”

“I wasn’t done with it yet.” 

Kei pushes it back. “Finish it.”

“I thought you-”

“Please.” Tadashi giggles, his pencil drawing the petals. The small cross-hatched shading and sun hiding behind a few clouds, everything about it made Kei’s heart swell. 

He takes out his phone, typing the name into a google note.

Tadashi passes it back, smiling at the grey and white scenery at the bottom of the assignment. 

“Pretty…” Kei looked at Tadashi’s freckles on his wrists. His favorite one was on the side of his thumb.

“Thanks.” 

_ I meant you. _

* * *

“Um.”

Kei looked up from his paper.

“I know you and Yamaguchi-kun are dating…”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I wanted to confess but I didn’t want to intrude on your relationship.”

Kei grimace.  _ How many times does this have to happen? _

“Sorry!” The girl ran off.

He looked back down, a smile replacing the previous expression. He felt giddy inside.

“Tsukki?”

Kei looks up, mouth dropping. Tadashi’s face was close, he could see every freckle in daylight. 

Bliss.

It was heaven.

“Yes?”

Tadashi lifts two bento boxes. “Lunch?”

Kei lifts a hand, waiting, dipping his finger in the waters. Tadashi stacks the bento boxes together, his hand fits perfectly in Kei’s. They leave him woozy, lightheaded. A fireplace starts flickering, crackles in his ears as his entire body thaws from the cold storm. 

He was the fire to his endless winter.

Kei wasn’t coldhearted. Not when Tadashi makes him melt just at the sight of him.

Tadashi helps lift him up. When he lets go, Kei’s hand twitches. His fingers turn to ice, seeking out warmth, the home in Tadashi’s palms. 

“Sure.”

Tadashi hates tomatoes. He would roll it around, squishing it around to mush. It’s a sneaky way to fool others into thinking he ate it, but only someone like Hinata and Kageyama would believe that. Kei knew this, he’s seen him do it in action when they were kids. 

So they made a deal. They trade.

“You want this?” He offers a piece of broccoli between his chopsticks.

Tadashi doesn't hesitate to take it, rolling the tomato into his bento. “Yuck.”

“Tomatoes are good.” Kei bites into it, juice filling his mouth. “I can eat them by itself any day.”

“Tsukki, that’s gross.”

Kei laughs, watching Tadashi’s face fall as he loudly chews. He teases him, opening his mouth to show it off.

“Ew!”

Kei almost chokes, either he was laughing too hard or swallowed down the wrong tube. Tadashi patted his back hard, laughing harder.

“You’re such a child.”

He was exultant, filled with pink sakura petals swarming in his body. His cheeks tickled pink, their faces were close. Very close.

“I uh…” 

Tadashi, so cutely tilts his head. “What’s wrong?”

Kei has no excuse, he’d just have to wing it. “I like your freckles.”

The brunette’s shoulders perked up, cheeks flushing a deep red. “Tsukki, oh my god, shut up.”

He wanted to smack his head on the desk, let his brain rack around the walls. He could have confessed, saved all the upcoming mess and eventual ‘break up’. But he’s socially dead in the romance department, he’s used to pining over his friend. He’s been doing it since they first met.

That goes to say he kept it well hidden, tightly wrapped in little hard balls of candy. The years went by, increasing. He doubled wrapped it, tied the ends tightly. That still didn’t stop the knots untangling and bursting out of his chest.

His heart raced, palms sweaty. 

_ I suck. _

* * *

Kei’s butt dug into the dirt, leaves were bent and a heart-shaped dent in the grass. His chest heaving, lungs were screaming for a gulp of air. His legs numb to the core.

“You okay?” Tadashi drags his feet, passing a bottle of water.

Kei takes it quickly, chugging it down. Tiny droplets of water dribble down his chin. 

Tadashi clears his throat a few times.

“You want some?” Kei offers.

Tadashi looks at him, his mouth forming a small o. “Are you sure?” He scratches his cheek. “I thought you didn't like sharing your stuff.”

Kei’s cheeks were heating up. “I don’t mind you borrowing my stuff.” He coughs awkwardly away from him.

“Okay!” Tadashi’s hands touch him. “Thanks!” He chugs it hungrily, ice cold water washing through him. 

Kei could only watch his throat move, his face lighting up with sweat gleaming from him. He licks his lips, swallowing the spit pooling in his mouth.

“Hey Tadashi?”

Tadashi looks from above, his eyes curiously looking at him while he keeps drinking.

“Sit.” He pats the spot next to him, pushing away branches. Tadashi pauses, settling down. As his butt meets the ground, Kei lays on his side, inserting his head on Tadashi’s soft thighs. 

“You okie?” Small drops of water falls to his head, mixing in with the sweat gathering on his forehead.

“Yeah.” He closes his eyes, letting Tadashi’s normalized breathing lull him to a small nap.

“Tsukishima!” He ignores the call. Napping during practice is obviously taboo, but he’s on his crush’s lap. This was an exception he cannot ignore.

“Is that kid sleeping? We have to run another lap.” Tanaka complains from a distance.

There’s a cold sensation on the back of his neck. 

“Is that okay?” Tadashi giggles. 

Kei hums, relishing it. He presses back against it, wanting to feel more of it but not wanting to pull away from Tadashi. His hand travels, caressing the space between his ankles and knee.

“That tickles.” 

He smiles, turning his head to press a light kiss on the searing hot skin. 

“Tsukki!” Tadashi’s legs jolt.

Kei chuckles, hot kisses trailing higher. 

“Tsukki…” Tadashi whines, the water bottle rolling onto the grass behind him. “Oh, I dropped it.” 

“It’s okay, just let it go.” Kei sets his head down, blowing softly on his knee. 

Tadashi strains himself from falling apart into fits of laughter. He slides a hand under his head, lifting it to pull away. Kei turns around, glaring.

“No.”

“Please, I need to get the bottle.” Tadashi says in between laughs.

“Nope.” He wraps his arms around his stomach, cuddling further. “M’stay.” 

Tadashi gives in, his hand curling the long strands on the back of his hair. His fingers massage into his scalp, nails dragging lightly to add more pressure. 

“You’re such a baby.” 

“Shush.”

“You’re getting the bottle after.”

Kei nods, sneaking a glance at his fake boyfriend lovingly strumming his fingers. He closes his eyes, listening to Tadashi’s soft hums and yelling between two brain celled idiots.

* * *

Kei watched him, studied the way his hands lazily held the pen. The highlighter on his right hand, tapping back and forth on the coffee table. Tea cups rattled from the seismic shakes of an anxious knee bouncing beneath him.

“Stop shaking.” Kei reprimands himself, mentally screaming at how harsh it came out.

“Oops.” Tadashi stopped, his goofy smile making the screams in his head louder. “Sorry, Tsukki.”

Kei spots the dimple on his right cheek. He covers the bottom half of his face. “Just relax.” 

“It’s this problem.” Tadashi lets the highlighter roll, meeting the iced drink. The small clink shifts the ice inside. “I can’t seem to solve it.”

“Which one?” Kei sets down his pencil. He likes to applaud himself for excelling in his studies, enough to tutor him like this. Whenever Tadashi asks for help, he can see a tinier version of himself tap dancing on his shoulder.

And he hates dancing.

Kei scoots himself around the table, turning the paper towards him.

Find the first derivative of the following. 

f(x) = 5sin(5x).

He scribbles on his homework sheet, breaking down the equation.

f ′ (x) = 5 cos(5x) × 5 = 25 cos(5x). 

“Do you get it?” He leans in to his side, Tadashi sticking his tongue out. 

“25 cos(5x).” He nodded. “Thanks, Tsukki!” 

Kei’s face almost touched his shoulder, peeking down the freckles on his collarbone. It was like having two flower petals on a rose bud. They were comfortable in silence, shoulders touching and knees clashing. 

The white curtains from his room blow next to them, the wind rustling through their hair. His nose catching onto something ambrosial. Tadashi always smelled sweet, nothing over the top, just enough to rub his nose to the top of his head, soaking in it. He smelled like the quintessential scent of spring, a clean sweet delicate smell. Kei can imagine them under partial shade from a cherry tree, dewdrops falling off the tip of a blade of grass. There’s a lily of the valley, growing beautifully in the right amount of light peeking through the leaves. Let untouched, only absorbing pure bliss from the sunlight. 

If Tadashi was a flower, he’d be the white spring bulb of purity and love.

Kei was secretly a romantic, but only for him.

“Tsukki?”

“Hm?” 

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Kei’s back scoots to the side of his bed. He watches Tadashi’s hair almost touch his shoulders. The rate it grows is compelling, but the audacity he has to tie it back in a small ponytail makes Kei shiver. His neck glistening with sweat, making his inside gelatinous. 

“Actually, no.” He doesn’t wait for Tadashi to turn back to him. He scoots up behind him, his legs on either side of Tadashi.

“Tsukki, what’s wrong?” His head falls back on his shoulder, watching him from the side. 

“I’m just a bit tired.” The side of his head meets Tadashi’s, his nose burying into his neck. “You smell nice.”

Tadashi yelped. “You’re tickling me.” He giggled, dropping his pen as hands flew to cover his red face.

“I’m not sorry.” Kei smiles, his lips ticking against the warm skin. He wanted to press small hot kisses on him, trailing up to his ear and down his face to his lips. 

“You’re too much.” Tadashi sits up straight as best as he could, resuming his homework assignment. 

Kei knew he could get away with almost anything.

They were  _ best friends _ .

Best friends who were dating to keep the girls away from Kei, but really all he wanted was his best friend to love him back.

He wonders what Tadashi would do if he found out the truth.

Would he come to hate him? Would he lose him?

The scribbles on paper eased him, closing his eyes, long eyelashes pressing fluttery kisses on Tadashi’s smooth skin. He can feel Tadashi squirming, tiny snickers slips out.

“Tsukki!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Kei pulls back, head bouncing on the mattress. His eyes follow a path of freckles on his neck, disappearing into his lower back. He bites his lower lip, biting down the temptation of smothering him in kisses.

“Would you…” Kei licks his lips.

“Hm?”

“Nothing.”

Maybe not today.

* * *

Kei had to really stop finding himself in these kinds of situations. For the last time, if girls don’t get the memo he’s dating someone, he wonders how much worse it’ll be when he’s older.

That is, Tadashi doesn’t ‘break up’ with him.

“Will you…” This time, he found himself with a teen. Her lips glossy pink and yellow painted nails. “...give this to Yamaguchi-kun?” 

He can feel himself harden, turning into dust. The small pink envelope screamed  _ love _ .

“You want me to give it to him?” 

She nods. Her cheeks turned a bright pink. “Please.”

Kei bit his sigh. “You do know he’s dating someone already, right?”

Her face drains the last bit of color. “I-I know, but-”

“So you want to give  _ my  _ boyfriend a love letter?” He smirks behind the paper, entertained at the trouble look befalling her face.

“I’m sorry!” She bows. “I just thought it would help me move on if he at least read it.”

Kei holds the envelope between two fingers, his thumb and index pinching the corner. He scoffs.

_ This is a waste of time. _

“Give it to him yourself.” He tries to hand it back, but she bowed again, rapidly apologizing. “I can’t! That would be rude!”

“And it’s not rude making me do it?” He counters.

“I’m sorry!” She twirls around and books it back to class.

Kei groans, his head forming a band around it. It’s normal to get headaches from obnoxiously raucous teammates, but this? 

“Pathetic.”

“What is?” The envelope slips out from his fingers. 

Tadashi bends to pick it up.

“Nothing.” Kei swipes it before he could touch it. “It’s just another letter.” He shrugs it off, hands on both sides of it. The middle starts to tear.

Tadashi gasps, yanking it from underneath him. “Tsukki!” He clutches in his hands, protecting it. “She worked hard on it, just read the first sentence at least.”

Kei wants to argue back. Jealousy leaves a copper taste in the back of his mouth.

“It’s not a big deal.” He rolls his eyes, panic settling in his chest. “Give it back.”

Tadashi shakes his head, already flipping it open. “If you won’t read it, I will.”

Kei tries to pull it away from it.

“Tsukki!” Tadashi holds it away. “What’s wrong with you recently? You’ve been acting off.”

“Me?” Kei should have stopped talking.

“What’s so bad that you can’t tell me?”

“You wouldn’t understand...” 

Tadashi doesn’t react when Kei takes back the envelope.

“That’s…” The paper was already halfway destroyed. 

“What?” Kei rips it into fours. The overly sweet fragrance emitting from it makes his eyes want to catch on fire. It stung.

“I…”

“Spill it, Yamaguchi.”

“You’re a jerk.”

What?

Kei has never felt so humiliated being left on his own by his best friend.

_ If you were really dating, it’d be over. _

There’s no way Tadashi would like him now.

_ Maybe he deserves a girlfriend. _

* * *

Kei’s hands are centimeters away from Tadashi’s, the back of his palm brushing. The first time, he felt his skin crawl with goosebumps. He wants to drag his lips across his hand, kissing the empty space his fingers couldn’t reach.

“Tsukishima?”

He feels dizzy, head full of cotton. He can feel the fluff scrunching in his skull, growing, expanding.

“Yamaguchi.”

Why wasn’t he using his nickname? The cute name he’s given him since they were kids. He loved that name, so why wasn’t he using it?

“Nothing.”

_ No, come back. _

He watches his friend’s back get smaller, disappearing behind a corner of an alley. The green-yellow neon lights reflect on the walls and houses. He could stomp up to Shimada’s market right now and take him in his arms. 

Fumbling with his headphones, he settles for watching from a distance.

Kei liked being alone. Perhaps this was karma for the things he’s done in his past life.

Or maybe he deserves it for falling in love with him.

Is it karma for hurting the girls who confess behind the gym? Maybe it was the time he left a girl crying after harshly denying her. Were there spirits haunting him, sticking onto his back, scaring off Tadashi from coming close?

He clenches his fist in his sweater’s pockets. He holds himself back, tempted to crash his knuckles on the concrete fences. He’s not Tanaka, he’s the opposite of boisterous. He’s the calm ocean waters past midnight, light reflecting off the waves that softly touched the sand. The waters that tickled the tips of your toes, too cold to let it rise up to your ankles.

Oh how Kei had kept it all together until… He can’t recall having anything under control. His heart would burst into tiny pieces, being pulled together with a smile or laugh, he was just so  _ dang _ happy with him.

He wallowed in his depricament, thinking too much far past 2 am. It was another restless night. Two stubborn idiots who can’t say sorry because they know once they start, the whole facade will crumble. He didn’t want to ‘break up’, he wanted to be with him. For real.

_ Stupid Kei. _

It could have been the worst idea he’s ever had. If he could just spit out the truth.

_ Stupid. _

* * *

They don’t speak about it, apologies zipped tight behind their lips. Kei wants to throw words out, words vomit his heart out of his mouth. His tongue stings, tiny needles with venom sticks to him, shrinking away from the unimaginable. 

He knows happy endings don’t work. It didn’t for his brother, so why would it work for him?

There are pulls, tugs, and tears.

He wants to tear the grass underneath him, rip up the budding flowers. 

Trees with cicadas make him angrier, his headphones keep out noise from the outside, but not from his head. There are thoughts stabbing him, thorns made of doubts, wrapping his entire body. His arms bleed out, giving in, pointy objects sinking into his thin layer of skin.

Tired.

So very tired.

And so  _ furious _ .

“Tsukki?”

Kei stops, he realizes he’s breathing hard, panting almost. He turns around, Tadashi’s face full of worry and...relief..

“Yama-”

He can feel their bodies clash, arms tightly gripping his sides. There’s a few wet spots on his shirt, but he didn’t care.

“I’m sorry!” He can hear Tadashi cry, and feel him shaking terribly. “I didn’t mean to get upset, I was just-I’m sorry.”

Logic was thrown out the window.

“I was jealous.”

Jealous?

“I get all giddy and mushy when I’m with you, even though the whole point of the relationship is to keep girls confessing to you, but I can’t help but feel so happy about it.”

Nonsense.

“If it weren’t for me, you’d be happier being a  _ real  _ relationship.”

“Yamaguchi.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Tadashi.”

He lets go, looking up. Tears splattered all over him, dusted freckles on top of pink petals flushed on his face.

“You shouldn’t love me.”

“What?”

“We’re only together to stop girls from confessing to me.”

_ No. _

“Ah...” Tadashi pulls away, his head turning away from him. He can visibly see his shoulders sag, his entire body curling in on himself. He wanted to look smaller; was he scared? Is he hurt?

_ You deserve so much better. _

Everything stops, watching his lips move. There’s a loud ringing in Kei’s ears, his entire body ready to collapse in a deep hole he dug himself.

Kei takes a painful breath, his lungs finally clashing with air. He gets it now.

_ Now look at what you’ve done, you miserable, pathetic fool _ .

There’s a warmth missing, nothing holds him as he stands alone on the sidewalk. Cats walk by, hissing as they run behind corners. Birds no longer sing, awkwardly standing on telephone wires and fences.

Kei is alone.

Clouds gather in the sky, heavy and dark. 

If Tadashi had asked him that at the beginning, maybe this could have been prevented. Maybe he wouldn’t have lost his best friend. Maybe they could have been something more.

Stupid Kei. Never saying what he wanted, always allowing others to think what they want. Letting people assume he’s either too interested or none at all.

Kei, stupid Kei. Things could have been different if only you could just blurt out the truth.

So Kei runs. He runs hard, feet pounding the pavement. His heels burn from harshly grinding against his socks. The bottom of his shoes skid across the concrete as he turns in alleys and streets. He scares every bird and cat along the way, not minding or mentally apologizing.

The first few drops of rain slap hard against his face.

_ Please don’t let it be too late. _

Kei’s face was bright red, rain pouring down his shoulders. It was cloudy just a few hours ago, the sun was finally setting at the perfect hour.

But the rain just had to go and mess it up.

Now he’s here, drenched, waiting for Tadashi to open the window.

“Tsukki, what are you doing here?” Tadashi hisses, pulling him in harshly through the opening. “Oh god, you’re soaking.” He hurries off to his bathroom, coming back with arms full of clean, dry towels.

“Tsukki?”

Kei watched the towels fall to the floor in front of him, Tadashi grabbing one to dry him off.. Raindrops dripping from his hair and clothes. His arms felt sticky, being harshly dried off with semi-rough towels. Probably been thrown into a dryer for not enough time. 

“Tsukki.”

Kei focuses on a light blue towel, the one he’s used when he’s over. The same one Tadashi uses to dry his hair off while Kei drinks iced tea from a can. 

“Kei.”

His eyes slide over, looking down at Tadashi’s glossy lips.

Lip gloss.

Making his plump lips a light rose tint. 

Kissable.

“Can I kiss you?”

Tadashi’s face matches his lip color. He nods, eyes shutting tightly. Waiting for Kei to meet him, breathing hitches when Kei’s lips brush against his.

When Kei pressed their lips together, it was soft, sticky, and delicious. He moves his lips, teasing Tadashi’s bottom lip, his tongue swipes across. Tadashi opens his mouth, letting Kei taste him, savoring every inch of him. He moans out, hands flying to Kei’s hoodie, pulling him in closer.

Kei bites his lip and pulls away only a little. His breath tickles their bruising lips.

“Kei?”

“I have to tell you something..”

“I know.”

Kei whispers. “You know?” His mouth yearns, lip tingly and cold. The deafening silence stills him, the rain hammering against the window. 

“Why else would you be at my house in the rain?” Tadashi lets out a light laugh, hands sliding down his side.

“I’m sorry for being stupid.” 

“You should be.” Tadashi hands roam higher, feeling the small arch of his back as Kei leans down closer. “But I forgive you.”

“You waited for me?”

Tadashi shook his head. “I never left in the first place.”

“But you ran.” Kei was crumbling in his arms.

“Because I got scared.” 

“Are you now?” 

Tadashi breathed in, relishing the lack of space between them. “No. Not anymore.”

Kei sighed, their foreheads touching. “I love you.”

Tadashi slides his hand behind Kei’s neck, pulling him back down, firmly kissing him.

He pulls away for only a second. 

“I love you too.”

  
  


Lilies and rain water were Kei’s favorite scents.

The white venue, lilies on tables and the balconies. Kei soaked the sight, watching his boyfriend, love, best friend… soon to be husband walk down the aisle. The white suit made him glow in the moonlight. A frail halo by the light’s illusion, the scenery was now perfect.

The tip of his nose tickled as the wind pressed small kisses. 

“You ready?” Tadashi smiles, his cheeks flush a small hint of red.

“Always.” Kei takes both of his hands.

“Do you, Tsukishima Kei take Yamaguchi Tadashi to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“And do you, Yamaguchi Tadashi, take Tsukishima Kei to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Tadashi smiles brightly. “I do.”

“I now pronounce you, husband and husband.”

Daichi raises a glass of wine. “To the Tsukishima’s!”

“To Tsukishima!”

The rings on their fingers reflect the moonlight. It wasn’t the most expensive ring, but it was something dear to them. They were simple on the outside, but inside told a story.

_ Shut up, Tadashi. _

_ Sorry Kei! _


End file.
